Living Life

I was just reading a friend's blog and she said that she hasn't blogged in awhile because she has been busy living life. I really liked that. So I figured since it is almost February it was probably time to update my Christmas background, add a few pictures and philosophize for a few minutes. It's interesting how easily we can get caught up in things that don't really matter and how refreshing it can be to make positive changes. I almost have to laugh at myself at how "married" to my bad habits I have become over time and yet how much happier I am now that my priorities are more in order. Not to say that I am perfect or do things right everyday; I definitely have my moments. But overall it is so nice just to feel the peace that comes from not running after and spending most of your time on the things that don't matter as much. I am not trying to knock blogging or whatever other moms do to stay sane, because heaven knows I was thrilled to have my boys in bed by 7 pm tonight and have some time to do the dishes then just "veg" on the computer for awhile. But that is the difference for me. I don't have to be on the computer all the time. Before it was almost as if I felt like I was being unproductive if I wasn't completing tasks on the computer and yet the simple joys and responsibilities were sitting undone all around me.

I also have had to let go of blogging right now for the most part because I was so obsessive about making sure I had practically ever photo/event from our lives posted and that became an impossible task! No wonder I was feeling overly anxious!! I just looked in my pictures folder and had to laugh; my "to blog" folders date back to August. Oh well. I had figured at one point that the blog would be my "scrapbook" and that we would print it at the end of each year and have some form of family history. But I have just had to let it go; I don't have to blog everything, that's just not realistic and expecting that was not making me happy; it was making me anxious and upset, so silly. Funny that for awhile there I was willing to base my happiness on my life being "blogged" rather than enjoyed. It's fun to keep records. I love writing and I really do enjoy blogging, but not when it ends up hurting me or my family; I didn't like that I was being driven to do something at costs that just didn't make sense! So I hope I can be more balanced about my time and standards in blogging when I allow myself to do it more regularly again. :) I have been trying to be better about writing in my journal or recording thoughts about being a woman/mother on another blog, but I am taking the pressure off so life can be enjoyed not just pushed to a point that it's no fun.

So here is a very brief snapshot of what I've mainly been up to the last few months:

Trying to spend more quality time with Ian, especially during Cooper's naps. We made oatmeal cookies. We try to have quiet/reading time each day (unfortunately I am the one who wants to nap after this, but Ian thinks otherwise...). I also have started a schedule of an activity/"project" that we do each day. Last week went really well, this week being sick, I didn't have much motivation to follow through on my plans, but that's okay. Hopefully next week will be better and it is at least a step toward being more proactive in doing fun stuff with my kids!
Decorating the house for Christmas was a blast! (and then I took pictures of all of it, I was so tickled with how it turned out, I'm a nerd). Chris was really busy at the start of December preparing for finals so I was really proud when I went to our storage unit by myself (that would be a first) and got all the Christmas boxes and Ian and I set most of it up ourselves. We saved decorating the tree for a Saturday morning when Chris was home. I have to admit, I don't think I've ever decorated a tree in the morning but it was really fun! Since our boys just love getting up early it was still dark outside; it was kind of cozy and neat to be decorating in the still of the morning, wearing our pj's. That might just be a new tradition, we'll see. I bought a few new decorations on sale at Roberts and those are my cute stockings I sewed last year with the help of Chris' mom and sister, Robyn. They turned out great, I am very proud of them! And I do have to give Chris credit for picking out the fabric. I am one lucky girl, it's not many women who can get their husband in a fabric store, let alone have him care what you choose for stocking material!
Cooper discovered how to climb on the Cooper which was really funny. We took it to his 1 year pictures at JCPenney and had it in the picture with him which was cute. Cooper is a funny boy. My best guess here is that Ian depantsed (sp?) the poor child; Ian is very successful in the torturing his younger brother arena. Coop is still not walking yet, which is fine with me, since I am a little nervous to have both of them running around our apartment! He will stand up for a few seconds and has taken a few timid steps. Otherwise he crawls speedily around (we call him "Scamper") and love to get in to whatever he can--lately it is the hand mixer and onions from the cupboard. Tonight he decided to crawl into the dishwasher while I was unloading it and throw glass plates onto the floor; luckily they didn't break but he did act pretty put out when I scolded him. He looked at me like, what's your problem mom, I'm just throwing things! Leave it to mom, she always spoils the fun...
I keep plenty busy between the boys, the house, Law Partners, and my calling. Plus we started a little co-op preschool (Chris refuses to call it "Joy School" so I try to support his wishes....) with a few other kids/moms in our ward. At first I was pretty worried about doing it, even though we rotate and I only have it about once a month. We do it twice a week and have been learning the alphabet. It really has been fun to come up with creative ways to teach the letters, with games, books (have I mentioned I love books?! If you didn't know that, check out my goodreads! LOL), songs, crafts and snacks. This week was Jello jigglers for "J". All four of the children, including Ian, started Sunbeams in January, which honestly freaks me out. It's amazing how having a child old enough to attend Sunbeams makes you feel really old! Mostly I just pray for the teachers and hope they can have patience with my dear, lovable but energetic and talkable 3 year old! It's amazing how fast he is growing up and what a smart boy he is! I am amazed daily at the conversations we have, the things he says and remembers. What a joy! (and yet such a trial at other times!! He is definintely in the power/testing limits stage!!)
Mostly I just thought this was a sweet pic of Chris and Ian. Ian loves to cuddle. Today he came in and said, "Mom, hold me." Talk about melting your heart! How could it get any better than this? I wouldn't trade this for the world. But really the other reason I chose this pic is because I couldn't find one of Chris, especially not one of both of us in it. Crazy how you have kids and suddenly you and your spouse are really not that exciting to take pictures of! (not that we ever were...) I have really been trying to focus more on Chris lately. Luckily we have found a new shared hobby, watching "House" together. I watched one episode with him that was kind of risque which bugged me, but was glad I gave it another shot. Not that I love some of the junk that is in it sometimes (not that I'm trying to justify it...it is sad that TV has so much bad stuff in it nowadays!) but it has been something really fun for us to relax and look forward to. We ended up signing up for Netflix so we could get the past seasons and are also watching Season 5 currently which luckily has moved to Monday nights so it no longer conflicts with Chris' YM's on Tuesday nights! Post-FHE time for Chris and I! :) I know I have a long ways to go to learn to be the type of wife and person Chris needs, but it is reassuring to me that I recognize this and that I am trying to change, despite how slow and frustrating that process may be, especially to poor Chris who is incredibly patient with me as I strive to change.

P.S. I am on a huge red and black kick lately (I know the red shouldn't surprise many of you...). If you've seen my house lately I am doing red accents in our living room and working on a few other accent projects. Not quite sure when I am going to do those (could have tonight instead of blogging or doing stuff on the internet, but oh well, on the next "free" night I have) but it has been a fun new project just to add a little fun new decor to our house. I figure I should make this home since this really is "home" for now! The new pic at the top of our blog is a sign I bought a few months ago that I love. It fits in great with my new red/black theme, but more importantly really epitomizes how I am trying to live life now. Oh, and I was super excited for our new Valentine's day background as it too makes me just feel happy inside to see it, since it is totally fulfilling my red/black addiction.

Life is Good

It's time for bed. Chris said my bedtime was 10 or 10:30 pm tonight. He's studying like crazy for his last final (I'm proud he's working so hard) and the boys actually went down by 7 pm tonight, which meant I was able to crash on the couch for a few minutes (unintentionally), do the dishes, and work on random stuff that piles up now that I am not being so OCD anymore. And I can tell you, life is so much better when I'm not freaking out about "everything" and trying to do "everything" and focusing obsessively on all the little things in life that don't really matter. I have actually played with the boys multiple days this week (it's still weird to me that I was actually paid to play and struggled even then; I still have plenty to learn!). Ian and I made oatmeal cookies today, since he's been asking to do that for weeks, it was a small success that I finally followed through after telling him over and over that we would.

I think it is far too easy to become complacent and end up doing things that don't really make you happy, even though it makes sense intellectually that what you are doing doesn't make sense. I know I'm being really abstract, but it all makes sense to me, and the past few weeks have been very therapeutic for me. I feel better. I feel happier. I feel lighter; it's almost as if years of worry are being stripped off as I refocus my attention and self on the best things in life. I feel good and I hope I can keep doing what matters most, 'cause life really is good right now.

Adoration

I don't think I really ever grasped what it would be like to love your own children. But a year later, I guess I kind of feel like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes. I am grateful for the growth I have experienced in the last year. Looking back there have been some really difficult times, but I feel blessed because I think I am better person as a result. It is amazing to experience the change brought about by a new baby. I think in a lot of way Cooper has helped me learn to love and play and slow down in ways I don't know that I would have otherwise. I remember when he was born, holding him and just staring at him, so sweet and innocence. It really is a holy experience to give birth and then hold in your arms a precious child of God, and to know that they are a little part of you, hoping with all your heart that you can be enough for him. When my father-in-law visited us at the hospital and held Cooper for the first time the night he was born, he became teary and whispered quietly that he was a very special spirit. I don't know that I quite understood then, nor do I think I fully do even now, but I do know I have been changed by Cooper. My heart is full with joy and gratitude for the love and happiness I feel as I hold and play with him. Motherhood is one of the most difficult things I have done thus far, but I am grateful for what it has taught me and for who I am becoming because of the sweet spirits that Heavenly Father has entrusted me. I know nurturing is my most important role and I hope that my boys can teach me how to be what they need.

(Note: I intended to post pictures of Coop with this post; a newborn pic from last year and a current 1 year one, but in my efforts to simplify--as you've noticed, simplifying lately means no blogging at all!--I am going to post it as is, and if I get time and it still seems "important" later, I will post it. I hope I will, 'cause he's such a cute boy, but right now, it's time for bed and sleep is what I "need" to be doing right now. I really am just trying to do what is needful and not feel like I "have" to do more than I can or should at the "right" time. Wow, I really am doing lots of philosophizing lately...it feels good though, I'm realizing I need to write more--I like it and I think it could be good therapy for me.)

Long Time No See...

Hi everyone! Seeing as it has only been a month since we posted anything, I am hoping that not everyone has given up on us and that someone is around to read this post. Starting about the beginning of October, Jenny and I decided that we needed to spend more time focusing on each other, on our relationship and on the boys. The blog, despite being a sounding board and repository for lots of great experiences that we have had seems to take a lot of time. I am kind of sad that this last month has passed without letting all of you know what is going on in our lives, but I am also rather proud that both Jenny and I have allowed it to fall by the wayside during a time when we really need to focus on each other (and still have lots of other things to keep us busy).

We haven't forgotten you, and we haven't stopped being completely smitten with our kids and needing to put cute pictures of them up for all to admire. We just need to spend more time together. We'll try to get back on the ball here very soon and post pictures from Halloween, Snowbird (and the rest of our trip to Chicago from August... *sigh*), but for now we are content to just be spending a few more minutes together every day and have not really missed the extra time online. Thanks for sticking with us.

So Distracted!

Two ironies need to be mentioned before I get to the meat of this post:

1) When I first had the idea for this post, I had left Ian on my bed where we were going to have quiet time and read stories because I needed to go to the bathroom (I figured that was a fair reason to have him wait for a minute). But of course when I went in the bathroom I "had" to take the dry clothes out of the dryer and switch the clothes in the washer to the dryer. By this time Ian was screaming, "Mom! Where are you?" and had gotten off the bed and found me in the bathroom. It was as if he seriously was wondering: "What happened to my mom?!!" What happened to her indeed! Poor distracted mother. I also then had to write myself a note to remember this idea for when I had time to type the post. Okay. Now I was ready for storytime. Poor Ian.

2) Chris left tonight around 8 pm to go back to school to work on a paper that is due Monday. He made me pinkie swear I would go to bed at 11 pm. I told him I would, not thinking it would be a hard promise to keep. If you look at the time stamp on this post you'll notice I broke my promise since it is now 11:35 pm and I am still writing this. I am also currently chatting with him, apologizing profusely that I didn't make it to bed at 11, but that this post will be worth it, especially considering the irony of it all!

Those are only two of the many examples of how distracted I get. It's why I am realizing I need to leave my computer off during the day because if I get on to hurry and do "one thing" it turns into way longer than that and my poor kids (or husband) get forgotten. I think I just have so much to do, so much on my mind, that I honestly don't know how to process it or get it done most of the time! My biggest effort right now is to reorganize and reprioritize. Tonight since Chris was gone I let myself have some "me" time and worked on the blog (as I'm sure you've noticed). There are many other things I could have, should have been doing, but I figured I'd let myself relax and play for a little bit. It doesn't mean I don't feel guilty or that I might regret it tomorrow when I wish the kitchen floor had been mopped when the boys were in bed. Or when I see the pile of stuff on my desk that still needs to be sorted through. But I really am trying to be more balanced. Chris and I often talk about Brigham Young's advice to the Saints that they have 8 hours of work, 8 hours of play (probably not his words) and 8 hours of sleep. Wow, I don't think it happens that way very often. I also often wonder why my house never gets very clean, but I am such a distracted cleaner; I walk from room to room with my hands full of stuff rather than being more efficient and focusing on one room/thing at a time! It would probably be really funny to be a fly on the wall and watch me wander around like crazy. Anyways, there is plenty more to say on this subject, but I really should go to bed for tonight. Though I do have one final thought, then a funny story that I received as an email a few years ago that I find all too fitting (and ironic, considering I broke my 11 pm curfew tonight!).

I often tell Chris that I can relate far too much with the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" type books. Sigh. I am thinking I could probably star in and write one of my own books like that; I think I'd probably call it, "If You Give a Mommy a Minute." (I definitely would have to find someone else to illustrate it though!)

You may have heard of or read this before, but I love it, mostly because it's the story of my life!

"Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her night solution and age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought."

With that said, I think I'll go to bed (a.k.a. chat with Chris and tell him I'll see him in a few hours, turn off my computer, take out my contacts, brush my teeth, wash my face, check to make sure the door is locked, check on the boys, say my prayers...you get the picture...).

Good night!

How to Use Scissors

Today Ian wanted to cut out his "jellyfish" from when we had preschool at our house a few weeks ago. Unfortunately that same week, he had a slight run-in (or should I call it a "cut-in") with his monkey scissors, as Chris likes to call them. I thought I'd run into the living room and grab my camera and capture this cute preschool moment, but when I came back to the kitchen where the four children were busily cutting away on their project, one of the four children had a small cut in the middle of his t-shirt. Betcha can't guess who that child was! So we talked about the importance of being careful with scissors and only using them for paper (that and mom was reminded that scissors are something that needs constant adult supervision). Since then I think Ian has been fine using scissors with no further cutting-of-his-clothes incidents.

Fast forward to today. He wanted to cut along the lines on this picture to cut out the small pictures. I was doing the dishes but turned around to see him trying to get the scissors to cooperate, but it wasn't working like he wanted. So I bent down and placed his fingers in the proper place--thumb in the top, pointer and middle finger in the bottom--then showed him how to move his thumb and fingers open and shut to make the scissors move. Of course he had been able to cut things on his own before without knowing this exact positioning. But his time was different. He wanted to know how to cut a straight line and to be more in control of the scissors. It seemed like a good time to show him the right way to work the scissors.

As I helped him place his fingers, he asked me to hold the paper while he cut. Then I watched as he carefully moved his fingers back and forth so he would cut right along the lines and realized how important my job as a mother really is. And it's not like I didn't know that already. But here I was in the middle of my kitchen floor, realizing that I had just taught Ian to do something he had not known how to do. And it struck me--that is what my job is all about. Since I had previously been crouching down to help him, after having this "revelation" I sat down all the way on the kitchen floor with him, holding the paper for him and reveling in this moment.

It was a good reminder to me of the vital role I have to play as a mother. Today it was how to use scissors. I am sure there will be something else tomorrow. Some of it may seem insignificant, but I think the point is that our children need to be taught and that is our responsibility as their mothers and fathers. And hopefully a lifetime from now, my boys will be good men, husbands, and fathers because I took time to teach them what they need to do. I hope with all my heart that I can do that for them, that I will take the time to do that, that I can be the kind of mother they need and teach and love them each day.

Freshman Zoobies

My sister Andrea just started her freshman year at BYU and has moved on-campus. She sometimes sends out an email update with pictures. She sent this a few weeks ago and I got a big kick out of it. Gotta love freshman! Those were the days. (If you can't see the picture very well, someone had taped the word "Freshmen" over the word "children" on the sign. I am pretty sure this was near her on-campus housing.)

Ward Campout

Our ward had its annual campout in September and since we've never been able to go before I really wanted to go this time. Chris was worried about it being too cold (which it did end up getting very cold that night) so we went up that night for dinner then came up the next morning for breakfast. We still haven't taken the boys camping yet, but hopefully one of these times we will when it's a bit warmer (hard to know how to keep Coop warm enough when he rolls out of blankets so much!).
Ian had a ball playing with his friends Ty and Kaden. They are definitely boys. I think I need to start praying now for their Sunbeam teaching come January! Ahhh. I really am frightened at the prospect of Ian being a Sunbeam. I'm sure it will be fine, but he has so much energy, I guess I just worry how he'll handle an hour and forty minutes of more structured church. The kid loves nursery!
My good friend, Crystal and her daughter Alana. We thought it was pretty fitting that they were wearing pink and Coop and I were wearing blue hoodies. Way to contribute to the perpetuation of gender-color stereotypes!
Our good friends Billy and Cristian Rodriguez (And neighbors now! We love having them as neighbors!!). I always find little boys to just adore (my own of course), but Cristian is one of those little guys who just melts my heart. I just can't get enough of looking at him, 'cause he's so darn cute. I am a softy for the chubby cheeks too.
By the time we got up there the next morning breakfast was already put away (luckily we'd figured we were late and stopped at McDonald's on the way up). We did manage to get roped into taking a few chocolate muffins. Ian didn't mind, as you can tell. Beside him is Nathan Parry, one of my other favorite little boys. He's not so little anymore though! He will turn out and be baptized come March, but he was in nursery, only 2 years old when we moved into the ward! I have always had a special place in my heart for Nathan. He has a lot of energy and others struggle with that sometimes. But when I was Primary president, I realized how much my love for and relationship with him trumped any frustrations that could have arisen when he had a hard time sitting still or paying attention.
Cooper being cute, as always. But I have to mention it every time (I am seriously starting to wonder how many times I have used the word "cute" in this blog to refer to Cooper! I don't think I'll even attempt to count. You all know I think he's cute, but for some reason I just have to keep saying it. As always I can't ever get enough of this CUTE kid!!). He is definitely wanting to exert his opinion and independence. Not only does he want the solid food, but he's gotta have the spoon too!
I realized I didn't have a picture of Chris anywhere in this post, so I had to put in at least one in... this was about all I had to choose from. Long live the Nalgene bottle, I guess? They are pretty sturdy--that is unless Chris tightens the lid too tight on Jenny's or Jenny puts Chris' on the bottom rack of the dishwasher and the lid gets melted (Oops! Live and learn and try to remember better next time, right?).

What a Beautiful Feeling

Ian was really excited when it started raining a few weeks ago. He was fittingly already dressed in his slicker jacket and pants. He specifically asked for my red umbrella, then set out for some fun in the rain. The little joys that children celebrate. It is a good reminder for me.
Just chillin' in the rain.

The Young and the Computer Literate

I find it quick amusing when my grandma gets totally freaked out when my three year old little brother maneuvers around on the computer and she can't figure out what he did or how to do the same thing. In a lot of ways, I see this early technology as a blessing and a curse. Ian is able to practice his letters on sites such as Starfall and he loves PBS Kids, which is also educational, but I worry that he is dependent on the computer and TV for entertainment. I try to limit his usage each day and he still plays well, both inside and out, so I don't think I have too much to be worried about. But it really does make you wonder--if our 3 year olds are doing this much on the computer/internet now--what in the world will it be like when they have 3 year olds of their own? It's amazing to think how much it's changed in my lifetime, let alone the progress that continue to be made; I can't even imagine what it'll be like 20, 30, 50 years from now.