Fore!

So, I started a new class tonight-- and one that is only tangentially related to law school. I signed up for a beginning golf class way back in October or whenever it was that I registered for this semester, and have been debating ever since whether I would keep it because of time constraints, blah, blah. My first class session was for two hours this evening, and we spent the whole time talking about approaching the ball, learning a neutral, interlocking grip, setting up a square stance and club head placement. (Incidentally, I am no expert, but I think that the 9 iron I had was an inch too short for me--I felt really hunched over.) I am glad that I did not drop the class-- not because I think that I will have lots of time for this, but because I need new experiences to keep me from stagnating.

I don't know what it is about me that makes it so difficult to reach out to new experiences. It's been this way since I was little. I never learned to play a sport on my own initiative until I was a junior in high school-- and I loved it. I was, by no means, a consummate athlete, but I learned things about myself that year that are still cherished parts of who I am. I don't know when I identified my tendency to shy away from things that I don't already feel a part of, but it is something that I am slowly fighting against; I do better some times, and much worse than I would like to admit some others.

It's like this--and I hope that someone out there can relate--I somehow feel alienated from things that I feel no... possession of, even if I find them to be really attractive. It's like I have to be invited in to be a part of the club in order to feel like it is okay for me to get involved in golf, or sports, or new books, or student government, or scuba diving or Settlers of Catan, for crying out loud. I am trying to fight against the tendency to feel foreclosed from things that I have not tried before, but sometimes it is tough. It's like I feel resentment that I am left out of things that other people seem to enjoy, yet I have never made the threshold steps to become involved because somehow I feel like I just... can't. I don't like it, and I want to change it. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Maybe it is just me.

P.S. I cannot believe i just wrote a post with the tag, "feelings." I'm a guy for crying out loud!