Adoration

I don't think I really ever grasped what it would be like to love your own children. But a year later, I guess I kind of feel like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes. I am grateful for the growth I have experienced in the last year. Looking back there have been some really difficult times, but I feel blessed because I think I am better person as a result. It is amazing to experience the change brought about by a new baby. I think in a lot of way Cooper has helped me learn to love and play and slow down in ways I don't know that I would have otherwise. I remember when he was born, holding him and just staring at him, so sweet and innocence. It really is a holy experience to give birth and then hold in your arms a precious child of God, and to know that they are a little part of you, hoping with all your heart that you can be enough for him. When my father-in-law visited us at the hospital and held Cooper for the first time the night he was born, he became teary and whispered quietly that he was a very special spirit. I don't know that I quite understood then, nor do I think I fully do even now, but I do know I have been changed by Cooper. My heart is full with joy and gratitude for the love and happiness I feel as I hold and play with him. Motherhood is one of the most difficult things I have done thus far, but I am grateful for what it has taught me and for who I am becoming because of the sweet spirits that Heavenly Father has entrusted me. I know nurturing is my most important role and I hope that my boys can teach me how to be what they need.

(Note: I intended to post pictures of Coop with this post; a newborn pic from last year and a current 1 year one, but in my efforts to simplify--as you've noticed, simplifying lately means no blogging at all!--I am going to post it as is, and if I get time and it still seems "important" later, I will post it. I hope I will, 'cause he's such a cute boy, but right now, it's time for bed and sleep is what I "need" to be doing right now. I really am just trying to do what is needful and not feel like I "have" to do more than I can or should at the "right" time. Wow, I really am doing lots of philosophizing lately...it feels good though, I'm realizing I need to write more--I like it and I think it could be good therapy for me.)