12.12.2008

Life is Good

It's time for bed. Chris said my bedtime was 10 or 10:30 pm tonight. He's studying like crazy for his last final (I'm proud he's working so hard) and the boys actually went down by 7 pm tonight, which meant I was able to crash on the couch for a few minutes (unintentionally), do the dishes, and work on random stuff that piles up now that I am not being so OCD anymore. And I can tell you, life is so much better when I'm not freaking out about "everything" and trying to do "everything" and focusing obsessively on all the little things in life that don't really matter. I have actually played with the boys multiple days this week (it's still weird to me that I was actually paid to play and struggled even then; I still have plenty to learn!). Ian and I made oatmeal cookies today, since he's been asking to do that for weeks, it was a small success that I finally followed through after telling him over and over that we would.

I think it is far too easy to become complacent and end up doing things that don't really make you happy, even though it makes sense intellectually that what you are doing doesn't make sense. I know I'm being really abstract, but it all makes sense to me, and the past few weeks have been very therapeutic for me. I feel better. I feel happier. I feel lighter; it's almost as if years of worry are being stripped off as I refocus my attention and self on the best things in life. I feel good and I hope I can keep doing what matters most, 'cause life really is good right now.

12.06.2008

Adoration

I don't think I really ever grasped what it would be like to love your own children. But a year later, I guess I kind of feel like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes. I am grateful for the growth I have experienced in the last year. Looking back there have been some really difficult times, but I feel blessed because I think I am better person as a result. It is amazing to experience the change brought about by a new baby. I think in a lot of way Cooper has helped me learn to love and play and slow down in ways I don't know that I would have otherwise. I remember when he was born, holding him and just staring at him, so sweet and innocence. It really is a holy experience to give birth and then hold in your arms a precious child of God, and to know that they are a little part of you, hoping with all your heart that you can be enough for him. When my father-in-law visited us at the hospital and held Cooper for the first time the night he was born, he became teary and whispered quietly that he was a very special spirit. I don't know that I quite understood then, nor do I think I fully do even now, but I do know I have been changed by Cooper. My heart is full with joy and gratitude for the love and happiness I feel as I hold and play with him. Motherhood is one of the most difficult things I have done thus far, but I am grateful for what it has taught me and for who I am becoming because of the sweet spirits that Heavenly Father has entrusted me. I know nurturing is my most important role and I hope that my boys can teach me how to be what they need.

(Note: I intended to post pictures of Coop with this post; a newborn pic from last year and a current 1 year one, but in my efforts to simplify--as you've noticed, simplifying lately means no blogging at all!--I am going to post it as is, and if I get time and it still seems "important" later, I will post it. I hope I will, 'cause he's such a cute boy, but right now, it's time for bed and sleep is what I "need" to be doing right now. I really am just trying to do what is needful and not feel like I "have" to do more than I can or should at the "right" time. Wow, I really am doing lots of philosophizing lately...it feels good though, I'm realizing I need to write more--I like it and I think it could be good therapy for me.)

11.16.2008

Long Time No See...

Hi everyone! Seeing as it has only been a month since we posted anything, I am hoping that not everyone has given up on us and that someone is around to read this post. Starting about the beginning of October, Jenny and I decided that we needed to spend more time focusing on each other, on our relationship and on the boys. The blog, despite being a sounding board and repository for lots of great experiences that we have had seems to take a lot of time. I am kind of sad that this last month has passed without letting all of you know what is going on in our lives, but I am also rather proud that both Jenny and I have allowed it to fall by the wayside during a time when we really need to focus on each other (and still have lots of other things to keep us busy).

We haven't forgotten you, and we haven't stopped being completely smitten with our kids and needing to put cute pictures of them up for all to admire. We just need to spend more time together. We'll try to get back on the ball here very soon and post pictures from Halloween, Snowbird (and the rest of our trip to Chicago from August... *sigh*), but for now we are content to just be spending a few more minutes together every day and have not really missed the extra time online. Thanks for sticking with us.

10.17.2008

So Distracted!

Two ironies need to be mentioned before I get to the meat of this post:

1) When I first had the idea for this post, I had left Ian on my bed where we were going to have quiet time and read stories because I needed to go to the bathroom (I figured that was a fair reason to have him wait for a minute). But of course when I went in the bathroom I "had" to take the dry clothes out of the dryer and switch the clothes in the washer to the dryer. By this time Ian was screaming, "Mom! Where are you?" and had gotten off the bed and found me in the bathroom. It was as if he seriously was wondering: "What happened to my mom?!!" What happened to her indeed! Poor distracted mother. I also then had to write myself a note to remember this idea for when I had time to type the post. Okay. Now I was ready for storytime. Poor Ian.

2) Chris left tonight around 8 pm to go back to school to work on a paper that is due Monday. He made me pinkie swear I would go to bed at 11 pm. I told him I would, not thinking it would be a hard promise to keep. If you look at the time stamp on this post you'll notice I broke my promise since it is now 11:35 pm and I am still writing this. I am also currently chatting with him, apologizing profusely that I didn't make it to bed at 11, but that this post will be worth it, especially considering the irony of it all!

Those are only two of the many examples of how distracted I get. It's why I am realizing I need to leave my computer off during the day because if I get on to hurry and do "one thing" it turns into way longer than that and my poor kids (or husband) get forgotten. I think I just have so much to do, so much on my mind, that I honestly don't know how to process it or get it done most of the time! My biggest effort right now is to reorganize and reprioritize. Tonight since Chris was gone I let myself have some "me" time and worked on the blog (as I'm sure you've noticed). There are many other things I could have, should have been doing, but I figured I'd let myself relax and play for a little bit. It doesn't mean I don't feel guilty or that I might regret it tomorrow when I wish the kitchen floor had been mopped when the boys were in bed. Or when I see the pile of stuff on my desk that still needs to be sorted through. But I really am trying to be more balanced. Chris and I often talk about Brigham Young's advice to the Saints that they have 8 hours of work, 8 hours of play (probably not his words) and 8 hours of sleep. Wow, I don't think it happens that way very often. I also often wonder why my house never gets very clean, but I am such a distracted cleaner; I walk from room to room with my hands full of stuff rather than being more efficient and focusing on one room/thing at a time! It would probably be really funny to be a fly on the wall and watch me wander around like crazy. Anyways, there is plenty more to say on this subject, but I really should go to bed for tonight. Though I do have one final thought, then a funny story that I received as an email a few years ago that I find all too fitting (and ironic, considering I broke my 11 pm curfew tonight!).

I often tell Chris that I can relate far too much with the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" type books. Sigh. I am thinking I could probably star in and write one of my own books like that; I think I'd probably call it, "If You Give a Mommy a Minute." (I definitely would have to find someone else to illustrate it though!)

You may have heard of or read this before, but I love it, mostly because it's the story of my life!

"Mom and Dad
were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her night solution and age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought."

With that said, I think I'll go to bed (a.k.a. chat with Chris and tell him I'll see him in a few hours, turn off my computer, take out my contacts, brush my teeth, wash my face, check to make sure the door is locked, check on the boys, say my prayers...you get the picture...).

Good night!

How to Use Scissors

Today Ian wanted to cut out his "jellyfish" from when we had preschool at our house a few weeks ago. Unfortunately that same week, he had a slight run-in (or should I call it a "cut-in") with his monkey scissors, as Chris likes to call them. I thought I'd run into the living room and grab my camera and capture this cute preschool moment, but when I came back to the kitchen where the four children were busily cutting away on their project, one of the four children had a small cut in the middle of his t-shirt. Betcha can't guess who that child was! So we talked about the importance of being careful with scissors and only using them for paper (that and mom was reminded that scissors are something that needs constant adult supervision). Since then I think Ian has been fine using scissors with no further cutting-of-his-clothes incidents.

Fast forward to today. He wanted to cut along the lines on this picture to cut out the small pictures. I was doing the dishes but turned around to see him trying to get the scissors to cooperate, but it wasn't working like he wanted. So I bent down and placed his fingers in the proper place--thumb in the top, pointer and middle finger in the bottom--then showed him how to move his thumb and fingers open and shut to make the scissors move. Of course he had been able to cut things on his own before without knowing this exact positioning. But his time was different. He wanted to know how to cut a straight line and to be more in control of the scissors. It seemed like a good time to show him the right way to work the scissors.

As I helped him place his fingers, he asked me to hold the paper while he cut. Then I watched as he carefully moved his fingers back and forth so he would cut right along the lines and realized how important my job as a mother really is. And it's not like I didn't know that already. But here I was in the middle of my kitchen floor, realizing that I had just taught Ian to do something he had not known how to do. And it struck me--that is what my job is all about. Since I had previously been crouching down to help him, after having this "revelation" I sat down all the way on the kitchen floor with him, holding the paper for him and reveling in this moment.

It was a good reminder to me of the vital role I have to play as a mother. Today it was how to use scissors. I am sure there will be something else tomorrow. Some of it may seem insignificant, but I think the point is that our children need to be taught and that is our responsibility as their mothers and fathers. And hopefully a lifetime from now, my boys will be good men, husbands, and fathers because I took time to teach them what they need to do. I hope with all my heart that I can do that for them, that I will take the time to do that, that I can be the kind of mother they need and teach and love them each day.

Freshman Zoobies

My sister Andrea just started her freshman year at BYU and has moved on-campus. She sometimes sends out an email update with pictures. She sent this a few weeks ago and I got a big kick out of it. Gotta love freshman! Those were the days. (If you can't see the picture very well, someone had taped the word "Freshmen" over the word "children" on the sign. I am pretty sure this was near her on-campus housing.)

Ward Campout

Our ward had its annual campout in September and since we've never been able to go before I really wanted to go this time. Chris was worried about it being too cold (which it did end up getting very cold that night) so we went up that night for dinner then came up the next morning for breakfast. We still haven't taken the boys camping yet, but hopefully one of these times we will when it's a bit warmer (hard to know how to keep Coop warm enough when he rolls out of blankets so much!).
Ian had a ball playing with his friends Ty and Kaden. They are definitely boys. I think I need to start praying now for their Sunbeam teaching come January! Ahhh. I really am frightened at the prospect of Ian being a Sunbeam. I'm sure it will be fine, but he has so much energy, I guess I just worry how he'll handle an hour and forty minutes of more structured church. The kid loves nursery!
My good friend, Crystal and her daughter Alana. We thought it was pretty fitting that they were wearing pink and Coop and I were wearing blue hoodies. Way to contribute to the perpetuation of gender-color stereotypes!
Our good friends Billy and Cristian Rodriguez (And neighbors now! We love having them as neighbors!!). I always find little boys to just adore (my own of course), but Cristian is one of those little guys who just melts my heart. I just can't get enough of looking at him, 'cause he's so darn cute. I am a softy for the chubby cheeks too.
By the time we got up there the next morning breakfast was already put away (luckily we'd figured we were late and stopped at McDonald's on the way up). We did manage to get roped into taking a few chocolate muffins. Ian didn't mind, as you can tell. Beside him is Nathan Parry, one of my other favorite little boys. He's not so little anymore though! He will turn out and be baptized come March, but he was in nursery, only 2 years old when we moved into the ward! I have always had a special place in my heart for Nathan. He has a lot of energy and others struggle with that sometimes. But when I was Primary president, I realized how much my love for and relationship with him trumped any frustrations that could have arisen when he had a hard time sitting still or paying attention.
Cooper being cute, as always. But I have to mention it every time (I am seriously starting to wonder how many times I have used the word "cute" in this blog to refer to Cooper! I don't think I'll even attempt to count. You all know I think he's cute, but for some reason I just have to keep saying it. As always I can't ever get enough of this CUTE kid!!). He is definitely wanting to exert his opinion and independence. Not only does he want the solid food, but he's gotta have the spoon too!
I realized I didn't have a picture of Chris anywhere in this post, so I had to put in at least one in... this was about all I had to choose from. Long live the Nalgene bottle, I guess? They are pretty sturdy--that is unless Chris tightens the lid too tight on Jenny's or Jenny puts Chris' on the bottom rack of the dishwasher and the lid gets melted (Oops! Live and learn and try to remember better next time, right?).

What a Beautiful Feeling

Ian was really excited when it started raining a few weeks ago. He was fittingly already dressed in his slicker jacket and pants. He specifically asked for my red umbrella, then set out for some fun in the rain. The little joys that children celebrate. It is a good reminder for me.
Just chillin' in the rain.

The Young and the Computer Literate

I find it quick amusing when my grandma gets totally freaked out when my three year old little brother maneuvers around on the computer and she can't figure out what he did or how to do the same thing. In a lot of ways, I see this early technology as a blessing and a curse. Ian is able to practice his letters on sites such as Starfall and he loves PBS Kids, which is also educational, but I worry that he is dependent on the computer and TV for entertainment. I try to limit his usage each day and he still plays well, both inside and out, so I don't think I have too much to be worried about. But it really does make you wonder--if our 3 year olds are doing this much on the computer/internet now--what in the world will it be like when they have 3 year olds of their own? It's amazing to think how much it's changed in my lifetime, let alone the progress that continue to be made; I can't even imagine what it'll be like 20, 30, 50 years from now.

PG Pool (Better Late than Never!)

I am almost laughing out loud that I am posting this in October...it's been sitting as a draft for awhile now...but I figure I'd rather have record of it, no matter when it actually occurred.

While we were back in Utah in July, I spent a few days with my family before heading to Snowbird. It was so nice to see Laura and her family before they moved to Oklahoma on July 28th where Ben is attending medical school. It was hard to come back and have them gone. When we were driving home from the airport after our trip to Chicago, we drove past the street where Laura and Ben used to live and Ian said: "I have an idea. Laura can move back from Oklahoma!" It was so sweet. We miss them a lot but are excited for their new experiences and that Ben is able to attend medical school.My mom and Cooper. He was a little nervous about the waterfall, but liked the water overall.
Jefferson, Laura and Madelyn
Jefferson going to splash Ian. Ya know, I have to admit it's kind of refreshing for me to see another child doing something to Ian (even just in play) since usually it seems to be the other way around, with Ian often "tormenting" other kids!
The Ritz crackers were a big hit. Ian was very kind about sharing (and eating plenty himself!).
Cooper and Uncle Jacob. I just realized Jake's shorts and Cooper's short have matching hibiscus.
Josh, Madelyn, Isaace (being silly), Ian on Grandma's lap.
Cute Cooper in his hat and wet suit. He was a big fan of the water rings.
Cooper was so funny with this tube. He kept pulling it toward him until it would hit him in the face. Laura was getting a kick out of it.

Like Father, Like Son/Build Where You Are

It would come as no surprise to most people that one of the things Chris really looks forward to having when we get a house is the garage. So it probably shouldn't have taken me by too much surprise when I had the following cute conversation with Ian this morning:

I was making the bed in my room and Ian was playing with some books and knick knacks from our bookcase. He likes to climb up on the rocking chair and get stuff down. Sometimes I try to stop him from doing this, but most often I try to remind myself that most of those little things don't have much meaning really (not enough to get frustrated with Ian, for sure) and they honestly come more alive when I do allow him to carefully play with them.

This morning he got down a miniature pink resin house that my dad brought me back from San Francisco years ago. Ian was saying he wanted to live in a house like this. I asked him what he wanted in a house and he replied: "A garage." Then I asked him what he'd been in the garage. He said: "A car." I had to laugh. He then said he was playing on the grass outside the little resin house. I asked him if he wanted a backyard in his house someday too. His thoughtful reply: "We don't have a backyard right now?" I said, no, not really, but we do have a side yard kind of. (And as a side note, he said the house was in Seattle. Not sure where he got that from, or where he has heard about Seattle lately! But it was fun to tell him that our former neighbors, Shayne and Stephanie Holmes, who we love and miss, live in Seattle now.)

It is refreshing for me to write that we really are quite content where we are; not that we want to live in an apartment forever! But it's nice to not be whining or complaining or just dreading life until we "arrive" and get a house. I really am proud of myself that I don't feel like I am waiting to be happy or have life actually begin when we move into a house. The context in which Chris and I most often dream about having a house is just what Ian was talking about--a backyard. That really is the thing we most want for our boys. And there are many days when we say what Ian really needs right then is a backyard to go run and dig in. I know we will love having a house someday; it will be wonderful to have more space, hopefully more rooms and I would like to decorate and make our house "cute." I really am excited about the prospects of this, but it is so nice to not be wishing away these good years of our lives just because we aren't in a house yet.

One of the most important and life-changing lessons I learned in Nauvoo was that you build where you are. The Saints in Nauvoo didn't stop living because there was the chance that they would not be there long. And it's not like they had any certainty with which to believe they would be there long, considering their recent history, since many of them had left homes in Kirtland and then were driven out of Missouri. They also could have drug their feet about completing the Nauvoo Temple when at that point it was almost certain that they would not be able to enjoy it for long. And yet they went forward faithfully; they planted gardens, bettered their homes and made a good life for themselves exactly where they were, not thinking about the "what-ifs" of when it would end or where they would go next. I am sure there were doubts and that not everyone was strong constantly, but anyone who has visited Nauvoo should be able to sense of the permanency and livelihood that existed in Nauvoo because the Saints chose to make a good life for their families and serve the Lord where they were presently.

When we moved to our first apartment I never would have imagined being here 6 years later (grant it we are now in our third apartment in the ward!). Our bishop (former and present) shares a message with new members in our ward which always impresses me. He says essentially that during the time they live here, this is their ward, that they should unpack their bags and become involved, whether it is for two months, two years or ten. Which both of them can speak for from personal, since former Bishop Parry (who is now President Parry, second counselor in our stake presidency) and his family only intended to live her maybe a few years, if that, then build a house and move on in life. They have now been here close to 15 years, I believe. Our current bishop, Bishop Miller, and his family were ready to buy a house when he was called to be bishop a year and a half ago. What faith that takes. Their examples are a constant reminder to me that the Lord knows better than we do. I think sometimes our goals and expectations can get in the way of what the Lord wants for us and know is best--if we let them. I am learning to be still and let the Lord guide our life, because I truly know he can do better things that I can. I am realizing that when I get out of the way and am content with where I am much happier. I also know it is our choice each day to respond this way to whatever challenges or situations we encounter.

The Power of Church Magazines in our Homes

During my masters I had a friend, Jenae Jory (now Parker-she got married about 2 weeks after our internship ended) who did her summer internship at the state hospital with me. During lunchtime I would often find her reading the General Conference issue of the Ensign from the previous conference. I told her that I often tried to read through all the talks before the next conference but had not been successful yet. I don't remember our exact conversation but I do remember being impressed that she made it a priority to read and study all the conference talks. That was something I wanted to do.

I am pleased (no bragging intended!) to say that soon after admiring Jenae's dedication I have since read each one in its entirety. And it has been wonderful! I am already so excited for November's issue to come out next month so I can start reading the amazing talks from this conference. There are always inspiring messages during conference, but this conference I was amazed how many were "for me." So I am even more excited to review them and find ways to implement the principle and become a little better.

Which brings me to my current effort to read the regular monthly Ensign on a more regular basis. It's amazing how many Ensigns we've had pile up over the years, many of which have probably only been thumbed through. I always get excited when the magazines arrive in the mail, and yet usually they end up in our stack of magazines and hardly get touched, until a few months later when I need to make room for the next one! So, using the same method that has helped me successfully read the Conference Ensigns--reading an article or two as part of my scripture study each day--I am pleased that I have read almost the entire October Ensign this month! And it has been wonderful. I have been struggling lately and the Ensign has buoyed me up and been somewhat of a lifeline when I can't seem to feel the Spirit or find the motivation to do other things I know I need to do. I have been inspired to improve in various ways as I read about real people, members of the Church, who have had experiences and increased their faith. I think it can sometimes be easy to forget that the Church magazines include great doctrine and opportunities to learn and increase our faith.

I also realized that our Friend has been neglected too. We take the current month's to church with us in Ian's church bag and sometimes look through it during sacrament meeting. And once in awhile we read a story for Family Home Evening. But overall, I realized we are under utilizing it. So yesterday during the day I sat down with Ian and read through a few stories. I realized we spent lots of time reading books (which is wonderful) but that I also want to make sure I am teaching my children the gospel, and the Friend seems like an easy way to do this. Ian is at the age where he is soaking everything in like a sponge and often repeats things that I am amazed he even remembers! I hope that as I read stories from the Friend that this can be another way that I can be better at teaching my children the gospel each day.

I am leaving both the Ensign and Friend in places around the house where I will remember to pick them up and read them. It's not that I feel like I have to read each magazine from cover to cover each month, but I hope that I will. Since I know how much strength I gain and how much power there is in their messages. I know these magazines are another way that the Lord sends hope and guidance into our homes. They contain teachings of our prophets, so they really can be considered latter-day scripture and revelation that comes directly into our homes each month. They are specific for the time in which we live, with talks centered on current issues and struggles. I know they are inspired. And during these trying latter-days I know our family needs whatever we can to be strong amidst the storms that surround us. My hope is that we can better use these words as tools to strengthen our resolve, faith and testimonies.

10.14.2008

My Attempt at Motherhood

It's definitely not why we had Cooper but it did give me a little chuckle when I saw this, especially since as I type this, Cooper is crying, having woken up early from his nap (darn it) and Ian had already refused to go down for a nap earlier despite my best efforts (double darn it). I am afraid I complain and whine more than I realize or would like. It is something I am working on (notice one of the books I am currently reading on my Goodreads list if you don't believe me). I really do want to be more optimistic and enjoy this (and all stages) of life more. Overall I feel like I have made progress in my ability to do this (at least compared to how I was a few years ago) and yet I know I am not being as purposeful in the type of mother I am being or the home I am creating. Sometimes, more than anything, I feel like I am in crisis mode, just barely getting through each day. This is definitely not the type of relationships or home I want to be building! No excuses, but I find it hard for me to balance so many demands oftentimes, and I usually end up putting Chris and the boys on the back burner to complete other projects. I know that my family is the most important thing in my life, and don't want it to be otherwise--and yet my actions and the time I spent focusing on other things, instead of them would often say otherwise. But I am working on this! As much as I struggle with it each day, I hope the fact that I at least notice my tendency to do this is a big step toward making the changes I need to reprioritize and take better care of the things and people that matter most.

10.12.2008

RIP Buck Infanger 1994-2008


It is hard to believe, but the reason that we got a dog in the first place is because my Dad (bless his heart) just isn't a gardener. He is great at the landscaping stuff, and his tomatoes and squash always seem to turn out well, but anything on a much larger scale than that just never seemed to work. I blame the fact that he was gone so much that he just couldn't fix a week's worth of damage brought on by the neglect of everyone else in a Saturday afternoon. Needless to say, only the hardiest fruits survived this type of nurturing.

I had been pestering my parents about a dog for years when this situation really reached a head; my Dad had moved from Chris Hansen Laboratories to Pfizer in the early 1990's (he'd have to tell you exactly when-- I was young enough to still be pretty oblivious) and was traveling for longer stretches to exotic locales like Ireland, Japan and Milwaukee. The garden was not doing well (again) and my mom's allergies seemed to have abated just a bit. It was during this time that my Dad made a trip to Hatt's Ranch, the pheasant club to which he has belonged for about a million years. They had recently learned that one of their best hunting dogs, Spud, could climb fences and, coincidentally, that another of their best dogs, Cubby, was expecting a litter of cubs around the first of the year in 1994. Things just kind of came together.

On the last day in February in 1994, my Dad and I drove down to Hatt's and picked up the puppy he had selected a couple of weeks before. He was solid brown with a tiny white diamond on his chest. We had been trying for weeks to come up with a suitable name for him, and while Dad and I were making the 3-hour drive home (during which we got to clean up the first of many accidents) we settled on the name Buck.

Dad's garden had become a terraced, fenced kennel in the back yard with a doghouse, drain, water dish, et cetera. With it being the end of February, it was still pretty cold outside. Dad and Mom agreed (contrary to the carefully laid plan) to let Buck stay inside the house because it was so cold, and when March proved to be even more wet and dreary than usual, Buck received an extended stay inside the house. He was such a cute little fuzzball that no one felt really bad about it. Within a week or so, we started to find my Dad laying back in the recliner watching M.A.S.H. with Buck curled up asleep on his chest, and it wasn't long after that before Buck decided that he would rather sleep by my Dad's side than in my room-- and just that fast it became apparent that Buck was Dad's dog. It was probably two years before Buck spent a single night inside that kennel.

That was almost fifteen years ago, and since that time, Buck has become an integrated part of our family. When he was a puppy he would get stuck behind the couch or tired out in the middle of the staircase and cry until someone would come and hold him. He chewed on dang near everything in the house (including my Reader's Digest leather-bound edition of The Sea Wolf), and it seemed to take him a while to figure out the house-training thing, but that's probably only because while Buck had become Dad's dog, I was still the one who had promised to clean up after him.

He soon became a gangly, long-legged, paddle-footed juvenile dog with so much energy that he would do laps of the house when he got excited; these usually started with a full-tilt rush down the stairs into the living room, a banked turn across the backs of the couch and love seat and ended with Buck losing control and plowing into a wall somewhere-- he would be a drooling, lolling, upside down ball of legs and ears that could and would make anyone laugh.

Buck was present for most of the adventures of my youth. He laid beside me for two weeks each time I had knee surgery and kept me company, except when I got so desperate for entertainment as to watch Gidget Goes Hawaiian-- he drew the line there and would go hide under the stairs until the movie was over. He hiked in the Uintas with Dad and I for a couple of years; he would crawl into the tent exhausted every night because he spent the days running up and down the trail-- first to the front of the group and then to the back, just to check on everyone and make sure that they were all still okay. He learned to swim (sort of) when we were jumping off of an old stump into a clear mountain lake; he was so worried that we were in trouble that he jumped in to save us and then realized that he was half Chocolate Lab (a breed which swims) and half Visla (a breed which sinks). Luckily his front half was Chocolate Lab.

Buck was there the first time that I went driving with my Learner's Permit. In fact, he moved abruptly from his perch on the back seat to one just on top of my face when I hit the brakes too hard when turning off of State Street in Orem. By the time my field of view had been cleared of "brown, furry mutt", it was filled with something called "parked moving truck." Both Mom and I had an interesting time explaining that one to Dad when we got home.

Buck came with us when our whole family was on a handcart trek in 1996. Dad was in charge of the physical facilities, and our old Bronco served as the First Aid station. Dad tied a bandanna around Buck's neck and he wandered the trail every day checking on everyone in the whole stake to see if they were alright. When the time came for us to cross a creek swollen by a sudden downpour, Buck crossed and re-crossed the stream dozens of times just to make sure that each handcart got across safely.

Buck loved to go fishing with Dad, and would do his best to follow a lure or a worm to a hole, always looking back at us like, "hey-- you lost this! You want me to bring it back?" He always seemed amazed and a little bit suspicious when a fish would follow our line back in. More than once Buck jumped into a prime piece of the stream right about the time Dad's line hit the water, and Dad would often pull a fish out of the water from literally right under Buck's feet. I never was able to pull that one off.

Buck was true to his heritage and had a great nose for Pheasants. I think that the only trip to Hatt's Ranch that he missed since we have had him was this last Friday, and Buck was just too sick to stand. I think that it would have broken his heart to have been able to hear and smell the birds but not go running after them. Every time we would get out of the car at Hatt's Ranch, we would be parked right next to the huge holding pens where the pheasants are bred and raised. Buck would always take one look at the hundreds of pheasants inside the chicken wire and give us a look like "you guys, you're not going to believe this, but I have totally found the mother lode!"

Buck went running almost every morning for a decade or so with my Mom, and he loved her very deeply. She was the only one who could get away with calling him "Bucky." He just ignored the rest of us when we said stuff like that.

Buck became an integral part of our family-- not just immediate, but extended, too. He had his own seat in the car when we went to see our Grandparents. He was actually allowed inside Grandma and Granddad Infanger's house for Christmas and other events (more often than not there was a "To Buck from Gram" present under the tree), and my Allred Grandparents, who are fastidious in the way they keep their house and yard even invited him in. Grandpa Allred would rub Buck's ears and say, "How you doin' you old Meat Hound?" Many of my younger cousins called my parents "Buck's Mom and Dad" until they could remember "Aunt Alison and Uncle Rex."

We always knew that Buck would not be around forever. I remember being a kid, shortly after we got Buck (I know because I was still at the Junior High) and wondering whether he would be around long enough for my kids to get to know him. Buck had ulcers on his neck about six years ago, and we were afraid that he would not be able to deal with the infection. Luckily, he pulled through a removal surgery and kept on going. He had a tumor on his chest show up about three years ago, and we knew that his time was getting short. Earlier this year he developed two tumors in his throat to go along with the one in his chest, not to mention the arthritis and the hip dysplasia he's been dealing with for years. In the last few months he has lost an enormous amount of weight after losing his appetite and most of his ability to walk. We took him fishing with us to Strawberry on Wednesday, and after we got home, both Dad and I realized that we hadn't seen him wag his tail in a very long time.

Yesterday morning he went to sleep for the last time. I just can't say how much I will miss him. He taught our family much about unconditional love, gratitude, laughter and warmth. He was, at times, the only friend I really had. He was there when I decided to marry my wife. He loved my Mom and my Dad with a fervor I admire and to which I aspire. He was a loyal, valiant and brave protector when he felt we were in danger, and was so gentle that he let an 18-month old check his tonsils without anyone fearing that he might lose patience. We owe much to him. Our family is richer in love and kindness because of him. Godspeed, my friend. I am blessed to have known and loved you and will miss your kind eyes, your soft touch and your gentle kiss. I look forward to seeing you again in the next life and hope that when we meet that I will have learned to love as purely and as simply as you did.

10.11.2008

Love the Fall Colors

I know the snow is coming soon, but I have to celebrate the beauties of fall. My sister Andrea sent this as her "Picture of the Week". I love the mountains and autumn leaves and colors. This is a gorgeous place to live.

10.10.2008

Ian's 3rd Birthday Morning

I have always been a big fan of birthdays (including my own, if you hadn't gathered that before). So it's been fun to make birthdays exciting for my kids now. Chris did a great job decorating for Ian's birthday. I am sure I was being silly working on something on the computer. I am grateful we have such a good Daddy who is so involved and cares about making things like this special and important. (This also made me realize that I somehow forgot to decorate on Chris' birthday a few weeks before! I felt so bad when this dawned on me. No excuses, but my only consolation was that maybe I was just super tired after flying in from Chicago the night before...I can be spacey and kind of a slacker at times, but I at least usually try to be cute and remember fun stuff like this. Luckily, I did already have a gift for him, so I wasn't completely good for nothing that day!)
The house looked really cute. Ian was really bummed when we told him it was time to take it down a few days later. Pretty sure he'd be okay if we celebrated his birthday every day!
Chris also had the table set up really cute with some of Ian's gifts.
Ian was excited to get Chick Hicks. He had been asking for a Tractor, but unfortunately his parents learned the hard way that items such as that are going to need more time and energy to find (What is it with only being able to buy certain Cars in the three-packs with the same Lightning McQueen you already have two times over?!).
The hats might be kind of cheesy but the boys look cute in them! It's great how even simple purchases from the dollar store can be used again and again each birthday to add a little extra fun to the day (I think these were from Ian's 1st birthday!)
When I was growing up, my mom always let us choose a favorite cereal (even a sugary one, if we wanted) the week of our birthday. Ian is a big cereal fan (hmmm...another which parent-does -that-come-from trivia question; anyone else noticing a trend here?!) so I figured he'd get a kick out of picking one. Plus he'd be talking about and wanting Trix ever since we left Las Vegas, so I figured it would be fun. Chris took him to Smith's with him and said Ian was almost swayed to get Rice Krispies because it had Kung Fu Panda on the front (ah, the joys of marketing) but helped him choose by cereal not box decor. I may be opening a can of worms with the sugary/"fun" cereals, but I figure certain traditions are worth starting; I still have good memories of my years of "birthday cereals" (I still remember the time I chose Cookie Crisps. What was I thinking! They are okay as a snack food but not that great in a bowl with milk. I guess we all learn the hard way at some point).

I'm also finding it humorous that Ian's birthday is probably going to be broken up into at least 3 different posts. I guess as long as you are fairly careful, it's probably pretty hard to have too much birthday (unless you're Sister Bear, of course).

Tubby Time

I think it must run in the family because our boys have the same love for the tub as one of their parents (I'll let you guess which one that is! Don't think too hard...).
Cooper has recently also become fascinated with the tub. It was a long three weeks when he couldn't get in the tub with Ian. He would seriously cry whenever Ian was in the tub without him and he could not figure out why I was giving him a sponge bath outside the tub.
Cooper helping Dad clean the tub (And yes, it needed it really bad; please don't look too close. If you do I apologize if you are completely grossed out. You know the loveliness of bathrooms in rentals). It also just occurred to me that maybe Cooper is already showing an interest in house cleaning. One of our other recent posts was him with the vacuum cleaner. Hmmm. This could be a good thing. I will take all the cleaning help I can get!

P.S. If you can't seem to get your tub clean, soon after this cleaning we found a "miracle" cleaning solution that has done wonders to our otherwise impossible to clean tub--Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. I don't know that they are necessarily intended for scrubbing tubs, but at this point I don't care what they are for, our tub looks better than it has in four years!

Squirt-up

Soon after we got home from Las Vegas we were visiting Chris' parents and Ian decided it would be fun to run through the sprinklers. It wasn't an especially warm evening, but since he was enthusiastic about it, Chris figured it wouldn't do any harm. He also figured it wouldn't last long; and he was right. It didn't take long for Ian to get cold, but he had a ball for a few minutes! It's funny. Ian missed Utah so much while we were in Las Vegas but after we were back and he wanted to go to the "squirt-up parks" as he called them (aka the water splash pads at many of the parks in Las Vegas), suddenly he was saying: "Let's go back to Las Vegas." That comment has since stopped for the most part. Though when he can't find a toy his most immediate response is something to the effect of: "Darn it. We left it in Las Vegas." I love how his mind is working through concepts these days.

10.09.2008

Everyone has Hobbies

So, for Jenny relaxation is running or blogging or (don't tell her I said this) doing the budget. For me, it's cooking, playing with the boys or fishing with my dad. Ian seems to have inherited the penchant for reading that both Jenny and I share. Cooper...
Evidently he's an Eric Dyson fan. Every time we pull the vacuum out, he just gets really excited. He has learned that the vacuum lives in the closet and if we leave it open it doesn't take him long to get in there and start inspecting the seals and checking for clogs. ("Daaaad-- it's time to empty the canister again!") Come to think of it, if he wants to take up vacuuming as a hobby, I think I am okay with that!

Duck!

Yeah, so we're trying to get all caught up with the pictures that have piled up on us in the latest round of craziness. These are some we took on my birthday when we went out for a walk to the Duck Pond on the south side of BYU campus (it's one of Ian's favorite spots).

Ian found the ducks!

The ducks (Huey, Dewey, Louie and Harpo) were pretty sure we were up to something.

We were. Ian got a big kick out of catching a duck. He kept thinking that he wanted to touch it but it took him a minute to convince himself that the duckling wasn't going to eat him. I was fairly confident that he was safe.
There was a wait for him to pet the duckling, but his reaction was worth it! He went nuts!

Cooper could hardly contain himself, too.

Whoa there, Cooper! Take it easy!

Despite the fact that we gave the duck his big break right here on the blog, he didn't stay around for long afterward. He gave us one of those "have your people call my people. We'll do lunch!" Yeah. We're holding our breath on that one. Five bucks says we never hear back from him and all the sudden he'll show up in an Aflac commercial.

No seriously! Come back! My Dad will be your agent! He needs a job!

9.30.2008

Discipleship Bootcamp






Another post I just discovered that was stuck in draft mode and never finished. I believe it was 2008. Unfotunately the cute picture of Caveman is sideways (you can see his little cast sticking out from when he broke his leg.) Super cute to see the boys so much littler and think of what life was like almost 4 years ago!!! (7.16.12) Our stake Primary activity was in September. We had a "discipleship boot camp" of sorts, focusing on the four ways that Christ increased in his youth (wisdom, stature, favor of God and men) to teach the children how they could become better disciples of Christ doing the same.