100 Things About Me-- Finally

100 Things I’ve Learned/ Things About Me

Forever ago, it seems like, Jenny tagged me to do a list of my own 100 things that I have learned or things about me that I have realized. I guess that this is supposed to be as much for my own enlightenment as for any of you, so you’ll have to indulge me if some of the explanations get a little long. (Or, you know, just skip to the next one. Whatever.) Since this is kind of just a brainstorming exercise, these will definitely be in no particular order.

1. I have never done two temple endowment sessions back-to-back until last night (July 12, 2008).
2. I like to cook; I would way rather be the one making and serving the meal than be a guest at someone else’s house.
3. I don’t like talent shows.
a. I hate when people make fools of themselves in public (it just makes me cringe)
b. I have no publicly demonstrable talents, so I always feel kind of left out. Seriously. What am I going to do—sit up there and show that I can change diapers, fix brakes or listen to my wife? I’d be a flop on American Idol.
4. I think that my imagination is being taken over by my practical side; I used to dream of having an exotic car (I’d probably have an Aston Martin or a Wiesmann GT), but now all I can think of is, “I don’t think I could stomach the insurance.”
5. I still dream about going to performance driving school. (thanks to Jenny).
6. Given the choice between going on a big vacation or taking the money and fixing up the house or the car, my instinct is usually to forego the trip in favor of the more permanent “upgrade.” I have to try really hard to remind myself that I can put new tires on the car anytime, but that I can’t get back missed opportunities to do cool things with my family.
7. I had a girlfriend in high school who dumped me pretty summarily. I wonder sometimes if she ever has any regrets about the way that she treated me.
8. I really like to exercise, but I have a hard time reminding myself of that.
9. When I was a little kid, I had my Dad’s Sigma Epsilon (the fraternity he belonged to at BYU) blanket on my bed—it was royal blue and made of really smooth, cool cotton. When I would get upset, my favorite thing to do was to wrap up in that blanket and fall asleep. I was sad when we finally took that blanket off my bed when I was a teenager. (I have seriously considered getting that blanket from my parents’ place and taking it to school with me some days!)
10. There are times when I will come to a conclusion or come up with the answer to a question much more quickly than I let on. I am not sure where I learned it, but I found quite some time ago that regardless of whether your answer is the same, people usually want to feel that you have thought about what they have said. I was surprised about two years ago to discover that I was pausing unconsciously in order to avoid offending people.
11. I find that I am remarkably susceptible to picking up on other people’s mannerisms. For example, when I was in the MTC, I shared a room with an Elder from South Carolina. It took me almost a year to stop saying, “Y’all.”
12. I love being a Dad; it is hard sometimes to be really focused on my career because I already am what I wanted to be when I grew up.
13. Sometimes, when no one is looking, I put ketchup on my eggs.
14. I used to think that I was a really decisive person; that I could quickly assimilate information and make instantaneous decisions about what to do next. The older I get, the more I am inclined to label my behavior as “impulsive” rather than “decisive.”
15. When I was in Junior High School, I was so bored in my Algebra class that I made a list of names for my future kids on the inside of my folder. One of the kids was named Teancum. (Yeah, I was reading Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites at that point.)
16. I generally prefer solids to stripes, single colors to two-tone, silver to gold and my favorite flavor of ice cream is still vanilla.
17. I have recently discovered that I like cherry flavored things.
18. If given the opportunity, I will put as many maraschino cherries on my ice cream as I feel I can possibly get away with based on the social circumstances.
19. I had nightmares about Jenny dying in childbirth both times she has been pregnant.
20. I have discovered that I am much more tolerant of drinkers than I am of smokers. I have to suppress an urge to reach up and take the cigarette out of someone’s hand just about every time I encounter someone smoking. (Sometimes I just want to smack ‘em.)
21. I once told a Japanese high school student that I was a member of a special American Anti-Smoking government team to get him to stop smoking on a train platform in Kamagaya, Japan. (Yes, it was an incredibly amusing incident).
22. I sometimes talk to Jenny when she is asleep because I miss her.
23. I took German in High School, so when I was learning Japanese in the MTC, all of a sudden, all of the German I had forgotten (or never really known) came flooding back. All of that is gone now, but since learning Japanese, if someone speaks to me in any other language (especially Spanish), I always want to answer them in Japanese.
24. I gave some very serious thought to going into the Navy after high school. I could never figure out how that would work with my going on a mission, and it seemed like it would be pretty tough on a future family for me to go into what I wanted to do (nuclear submarines). Plus, I have come to find out, the Navy really emphasizes engineering for the officers of nuclear subs; I am not sure that I could have hacked the math it would have required.
25. I sometimes feel ashamed when I meet members of the military that I did not enlist or go the ROTC route. I would like to have served my country in that capacity.
26. I really am serious about sponsoring Ian and Cooper in kart racing if that is what they want to do.
27. I think I really would have a hard time with it if one of my boys decided that he wanted to do ballet or ballroom dance instead of shop or sports. (I’d support him, but it would take some adjustment.)
28. I took a golf class last semester; I like it, but I don’t think I will ever be passionate about it. I can see me being very passionate about SCUBA diving, especially if Jenny does it with me. (She says she will! Woot!)
29. I have no idea what "woot" means.
30. I would be highly in favor of a licensure system which would require new drivers to learn car control, emergency maneuvering, how to drive a manual transmission, et cetera despite the cost associated with it. I can’t believe that I was allowed out on the road with the kind of cursory instruction that American drivers receive. (Seriously. I can’t believe that more people aren’t killed out on the roads every year when most drivers can’t even pull to the right, let alone countersteer in a skid.)
31. I know what it is like to be spat upon.
32. I firmly believe that you can tell a lot about parents by the quality of their children. (This is not an infallible measure, but I find that children who consistently behave poorly are correlated at a very high rate with parents who are selfish, ignorant or just plain stupid.)
33. I worry about how to balance the need to teach Ian and Cooper discipline, hard work and a sense of duty without crushing creativity or making them feel like it is not ok to be a kid.
34. My enthusiasm for trying out skydiving has probably subsided. We’ll see when I get to my midlife crisis.
35. I hate going along with the crowd. For example: there’s no way that I would go to a National Park on the 4th of July; there are just too many people there, and I keep thinking that a Honda Civic would be a very sensible purchase, but I have a hard time with the idea because so many other people have them!
36. I will be sad when Law School is over. (And not just because I will have to start studying for the bar!)
37. I am very certain that angels exist and I have no doubt that they watch over us.
38. I get a lump in my throat when Doc Hudson puts on his old racing tires and drives around Willy’s Butte and again when Lightning McQueen pushes The King across the finish line. (I get the same thing when Remy’s dad says “We may not be cooks, but we are family.”)
39. I am astonished at the number of times in my life that I have been willing to believe people who were patent liars.
40. I like oldies music, but I have very little use for Elvis or the Beatles (this is probably my aversion to things that are popular again!)
41. I would like to learn how to weld.
42. My boys are fast approaching the age when I am going to have to practice keeping a straight face when telling them that we don’t light things on fire as a form of entertainment.
43. I get really irritated with people who act like copyrighted materials are public domain. If you want to listen to someone’s music, you should pay the price they are asking or decide that it isn’t worth it. Stealing songs and videos just makes them more expensive for those of us who believe that taking things without paying is wrong.
44. I also get irritated with people who think that their movie is worth $10 per ticket or $30 on DVD. It costs, on average, less than $2 to make a DVD, the case and the jacket/insert materials. I understand the need to make a profit and cover production costs, but a 1500% markup is just too ludicrous for me. We rent from Red Box a lot.
45. I’m absolutely in love with the BBC show Top Gear, but I am afraid that if I met Jeremy Clarkson he would prove to be as abrasive and snarky in real life as he is on the show (where it is funny), but I think that Richard Hammond would be someone that I would really like to hang out with.
46. I cannot seriously believe that Ford, GM and Dodge expect the American people to continue to be loyal to them when they make better looking, more sophisticated vehicles with better quality and fit and finish for every market in the world except the U.S. I find it insulting that they somehow think that Americans are not smart enough to care when crappy products are peddled to us (I’m looking at you, Chrysler; there is no excuse for the new Sebring.) Then again, when I see the number of products which people purchase based solely on cost, I guess that the marketeers (no, that is not a spelling error) can make their case.
47. I really like the fact that we don’t have TV at our house… except when something cool is on the History or Discovery channels.
48. One of the very hardest things about being in Japan for two years, and about being down here in Las Vegas for the summer is being away from my dad.
49. I worry that Jenny is intimidated by the close relationship that I have with my dad, but she seems to want me to be as close with our boys, so I hope that it will continue to be something that she can adjust to.
50. I have heard about people who have videotaped their own eulogy and I kind of like the idea; it seems a bit macabre, though. I just worry that when the time comes for my funeral that everyone will forget what I was really like. What I really want is for someone who really knows me to get up and be able to say, “Chris was a royal pain in the butt, but he worked hard to make up for it.”
51. When I was in a punk kid in High School I frequently had run-ins with my dad. It bugged me that I had such a hard time connecting with someone that I loved and wanted to be like. I have vivid memories of sitting in my Bronco in the foothills somewhere with the rain pounding on the shell and listening to “My Father’s Eyes” by Eric Clapton. I don’t think that I have ever told my dad about it, but that is kind of “our song” if it is not too weird to say that about your dad.
52. When I went to the homecoming pageant that Jenny’s sister Nicole was in a few years back, there were some obnoxious kids in front of us who would not stop talking. I finally leaned forward to one kid who had goofy hair and said, “Hey! Stupid Hairdo—Shut it!” The kid looked completely embarrassed. That memory never ceases to amuse me.
53. When I was a kid I wanted to do pyrotechnics as a career. Even as a twelve-year-old, though, I was pretty sure that I would probably blow myself up, so I had to start looking for another career.
54. I consider really good pans (I like All-Clad) to be an absolute necessity.
55. For some reason, I really like doing fun powerpoint presentations. Weird, eh?
56. I find it to be an incredibly big turn-on when I am laying in bed reading Car and Driver and Jenny comes in, takes my magazine away and lays down next to me to read articles about new cars.
57. I taught myself how to make omelets.
58. I pretty much loathe Pokemon. A lot.
59. I am just learning to like blue (bleu) cheese.
60. I hate that when we go to JC Penny’s for pictures of our cute kids that they do those “enhancement” prints that they try to sell you for like eight bucks a sheet when you go to pick up your pictures. I feel like I am abandoning my children when I don’t buy them and I have to walk away with pictures of Ian or Cooper sitting on the counter. Bleah.
61. I always get a little freaked out swimming in open water.
62. I would totally love to go and dive on some of the old WWII equipment sunk off of Truk and Kwajalien.
63. I bought a full size bed when Jenny and I got married. I’m pretty sure that she will kill me if we don’t get at least a queen next time.
64. I have actually considered taking dancing lessons with Jenny.
65. I am actually the reason that Jenny and I don’t own a TV. I got really sick of people who had nothing in their life except a big TV and cable or DISH when I worked at Ultimate Electronics. I figured just not having a TV would be the best way to help ensure that I never become one of those people.
66. I’ve seen Old Faithful erupt over 150 times.
67. When Dad, Mark and I rode motorcycles up through Yellowstone in 2005 I got close enough to a buffalo that it pooped on my boot. I was really glad when a guy in a Land Cruiser took the lead in trying to push through the herd blocking the road.
68. Contrary to popular belief, I did not eat paint chips as a child.
69. I feel bad for everyone who is not married to Jenny. No, seriously. She’s hot.
70. If I died, I would want Jenny to remarry because I would want her to be happy, but I would want the guy she married to be uglier and dumber than me.
71. I am pretty much the only person to ever bring up Jenny’s paternal grandfather at Lamb family gatherings. I have had some really good conversations with Jenny’s Grandma about her first husband and I am grateful that she would talk to me about him.
72. I really like to touch the velvety part of a horse’s nose. I don’t know why, but I think it is really cool.
73. When I was a missionary in Japan, I got really tired of trying to explain my last name to people every time I changed wards. I started telling people to just call me Elder Tanaka. In my last two areas, I doubt that anyone really remembered my real name. In one ward, I called the bishop and ward mission leader when I got transferred in on a Wednesday and introduced myself as Elder Tanaka (in Japanese.) When I got to church on Sunday, the bishop turned to my companion and basically said, “Where’s Elder Tanaka and who is this white guy?”
74. I totally miss my Jeep sometimes.
75. I read Autoblog almost obsessively. I have pretty seriously considered going back to a regular phone next time I replace my handset because I spend so much time reading Autoblog on my smartphone.
76. I know all of the words to “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid.
77. I’ve never seen Office Space, and that fact is considered a serious flaw in my character around the office where I work.
78. I once sat in a courtroom and watched a lawyer argue a motion while he was feeling “sick.” Turns out he was passing a dozen blood clots from a collapsed lung he had suffered a few weeks before through his heart. He lived.
79. I can’t stand Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Jack Black or Vince Vaughn.
80. I think that the whole “Pull a Panama” scene from Sahara is one of the funniest scenes in any movie I have ever seen: “Is that how it worked the first time?” “It didn’t really work the first time.” “I lost my hat.” Genius!
81. I will admit to only three illegal acts: 1) Speeding 2) Driving in the foothills which were supposed to be closed 3) Shooting a fish (not in a barrel).
82. I really like the homemade cards that my mom and my wife make.
83. For some reason, I had a dream the other night about Sean Astin driving a truck full of broccoli.
84. Somewhere in storage, I have an inflatable chair that I fully intend to pull out and continue using someday.
85. I learned to levitate once in southern Utah when I discovered about a yard-long rattlesnake a foot or two from where my feet had been a few milliseconds earlier.
86. I always keep my keys, my wallet and my cell phone in the same pockets. (Not all in the same pocket, but, i.e. the keys always go in the left front pocket.)
87. It is a very rare time when I am not in the mood for the music from the Cool Runnings soundtrack.
88. I love Red Dwarf, the old BBC comedy about the last man alive after being stuck in stasis in deep space for three million years. There’s a great quote during one episode when Rimmer thinks he has seen a future echo of Lister’s death; the circumstances happen that they think that Lister is about to die. Lister picks up a baseball bat as he gets ready to go into the room where he is supposed to die. Rimmer: “What do you think you’re you doing with that?” Lister: “If Death comes anywhere near me, I’ll rip his nipples off.” It’s a classic!
89. I agree with Douglas Adams: I think that it is axiomatic that the people who want to have power are the ones who are probably the worst ones to whom it can be given.
90. More than once I showed up to high school and got halfway through the day only to discover that I was still wearing the shorts I used as pajamas under my pants. I don’t wake up very quickly in the morning.
91. I love pastrami.
92. I love to make sandwiches. When I make an especially worthy one, I name it. (not like “The Champ” or “The Tomato Russian,” but like “Alexander” or “Rita.”)
93. I have never been able to explain to Jenny why it is that I think Dilbert is funny. Of course, she’s never really worked in an office.
94. I don’t like being a houseguest. For some reason, it just stresses me out to stay at other people’s houses. It’s kinda the same thing as my preferring to cook and serve rather than being served.
95. I like getting ties for Father’s Day.
96. I’m pretty sure that fluorescent lighting sucks the life out of people. (It’s probably fattening, too.)
97. I used to drink a ton of Coke; I tried one again the other day after years of drinking Diet Coke, if anything, and can’t stand the stuff now.
98. My family has a timeshare up at Snowbird and has for like thirty years; there’s pretty much nothing that I won’t miss to make sure that I get to be there for at least part of the week.
99. I have become less and less interested in politics over the years; issues and principles are actually more and more important to me, but I find that I tolerate the enormous amount of posturing, bluster and outright untruths much less than I used to.
100. One of my English professors once told me that most English students have a borderline unhealthy fetish with office supplies. I’m guilty as charged on that one. I have no idea why it is that I find it so fascinating to shop for pens and staplers at Office Depot, but I do.