. . . and we're back!

Whew! It's been a long couple weeks. Here is what I have learned so far since moving from Happy Valley to Sin City. . . . Some of which I have learned personally and others through the people they call Vegans; I'll let you try to figure out which ones are from personal experience. :)

1. Don't put your cell phone in the front pocket of your cargo shorts.
2. Don't lose your cell phone in a public library (or anywhere else, for that matter), because it just may be subsequently stolen.
3. If your cell phone gets lost and there is a chance it could have been stolen, suspend your line as quickly as you can . . . or you could end up having lots of surprises when you get your monthly bill.
4. You don't have to give money to homeless in the grocery store parking lot.
5. Some old women don't perspire, they sweat. Or maybe they glisten.
6. A two-year old can sweat so much during the night that they grow green mold on their forehead that their mom has to scrub off every morning.
7. Wearing a purple moo moo and white Crocs to church on Sunday is a fashion faux pas.
8. You meet all kinds of people at public parks, including white-haired, tattooed, gruff grandpas who give you more information than you ever wanted about their opinions on child-rearing and spanking.
9. If the air conditioning gets too cold in your house at night, and a sweatshirt and blankets aren't helping, just go outside; you'll warm right up.
10. Don't answer your cell phone and carry on a conversation (no matter how short) while the Primary children are singing Mother's Day songs during sacrament meeting.
11. Don't answer your cell phone and walk out of sacrament meeting to continue your conversation (even if you answered it on your bluetooth headset).
12. Don't answer your cell phone and carry on a conversation (again, no matter how short) during the closing prayer in sacrament meeting.
13. Don't wear your bluetooth headset during Sunday school.
14. Don't answer your cell phone during Sunday school and continue to talk as you leave the room.
15. Don't put your sunglasses in the back pocket of your cargo shorts while walking on Hoover Dam (darn those cargo pants!!).
16. Don't sing your testimony over the pulpit during fast and testimony meeting in sacrament meeting.
17. If you are looking for misplaced, chicken bouillon, check the freezer, it just might be there.
18. If you like hot weather, it should hit 100 degrees by this Sunday, May 18th.
19. Don't put a television on top of the dresser in your bedroom; it could be knocked off and hit one or both of your children.
20. Butterfly. fruit and sunflower decals on your bathroom, dining room, and kitchen walls (respectively) are tacky no matter how it is done.
21. The library worker helping you get a library card will try to convince you to go clubbing at least once while you are here, even if you tell him you are not really into the "clubbing scene."
22. When you ask where the bathroom is to go change your two-year-olds diaper, you may want to clarify which one; the female employee will probably assume mom, not dad, is going to change the diaper.
23. Don't be confused or offended when the female employee at the outlet mall gives you kind of a funny look as you are making your purchases, holding your 5-month-old baby, and asks you how old your other baby is. ("You mean the 30 lb. one who just left with his dad? [With a sad expression] He has an overactive hypothalamus which leads to hypersecretion of growth hormones; [pointing to the 5-month-old] They are actually twins." Hello? No. That would be my almost 3 years old little boy, thanks.)
24. Moving is a traumatic experience for a two-year-old.
25. The cupboard next to the oven makes a great playhouse for a two-year-old.
26. Having a pool in your "front yard"and being able to go swimming whenever you want is super cool.
27. Don't drive 50 mph down Howard Hughes Parkway, even if the car behind you is totally tailgating you.