Some Thoughts About What We Should Be

I went to a Clark County Bar Association shindig last week—here in Nevada the judges are all elected, which I find to be really weird; it seems like it is a better idea to insulate the judges from the political process as best as possible, but I can see that back in the day when the mob ran most of Vegas that executive appointees would also be unpalatable. Anydangway, we were at a Meet Your Judges Mixer, at the Four Seasons and I got a chance to meet most of the Nevada Supreme Court Justices, quite a few municipal court judges, one Eighth District judge and quite a few attorneys.

It was a good experience. I have not been to many cocktail parties and I think that I am somewhat predisposed to look down my nose at things with which I am unfamiliar. It’s a tendency that I am having to work against, and I am glad to have had some successes so far this year. I enjoyed the opportunity to meet quite a few people from the Nevada legal community (there were about 500 attorneys and judges in attendance) and to realize that I could have valuable opportunities to make acquaintances even in unfamiliar circumstances. I was far less awkward than I had feared that I would be, and it turns out that I was one of many who turned in his drink tickets for a San Pelegrino (rocks, with a lime, please). In my naïveté I had been worried that I would be the only one approaching the bar and not ordering a beer, cerveza, wine or cocktail. Duh.

I met up at the party with an attorney who interviewed me for a job at another firm, a job which I did not get. I had wondered often about the interviews which I had with that firm (I was interviewed with about a dozen people from this particular firm that day), and was perplexed as to why I did not receive an offer. I felt that my interviews had been largely positive and could not understand why this firm had chosen to blow me off. I took the opportunity to approach this attorney and ask what it was that I had done wrong—the only thing that I could think of was that I had said something which I considered innocuous which had displeased this attorney or the other attorney with whom I had dinner at the end of the day.

This attorney reassured me that I had done nothing wrong in the interview; in fact, based on our dinner interview, this attorney indicated that they had written a strong recommendation in my favor as had the other attorney present. I was gratified to hear that, but then pressed my question further and asked why it was, in this attorney’s opinion, that I had not received a job offer. Don’t get me wrong—I love, make that love, Jones Vargas and am very grateful that I have ended up where I did, but I had been bothered for nine months trying to figure out what it was that I had done wrong.

The response that I received surprised me. Of the two attorneys with whom I had dinner, one was a member of the LDS Church, originally from South Africa, and the other was not a member of the Church, but had spent a significant amount of time going to school in Utah with the predominantly LDS population. The attorney who is not LDS indicated to me their belief that I did not receive a job offer because of negative recommendations of two or three other LDS members of this firm with whom I interviewed. This attorney believes that because I was open and friendly, willing to engage in conversation and to recognize that LDS culture (not doctrine, but the popular lifestyles and cultural mores espoused by many members of the LDS Church) has many idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies that I offended these other members of my own faith.

I was, to be quite honest, flatly flabbergasted at this conclusion. After thinking on it for a week, however, I find it to be a plausible explanation. Of the dozen or so interviewers with whom I met that day, I would have to say that the people with whom I felt least comfortable were two or three who are members of my own faith who grew up in the LDS faith in Utah, and it was these attorneys who were implicated by my friend at the party. The other two church members with whom I met, and with whom I got on rather famously, were not from Utah. The Catholics, Jews and others of religion unknown to me seemed eager to find common ground and I honestly felt quite comfortable conversing with them.

I asked this attorney for an opinion as to why they believed that these LDS attorneys had difficulty with me and the answer that I received was that I did not fit into the preconceived notions which this attorney felt that these LDS attorneys held. I was expected to be more circumspect and less outgoing, I suppose. This attorney I met at the Mixer then went on to tell me how much they enjoyed meeting with me because it was refreshing to be around a Mormon who did not immediately judge them for ordering a glass of wine with their dinner. I found myself in the strange position of apologizing to this attorney for the injury that others of my faith had obviously caused by actions which this attorney felt were unjustly judgmental. I wanted them to know that, as far as I understand the doctrines of the gospel, it is inappropriate to judge others and to alienate and ostracize people just because they do not share the beliefs which are dear to me.

I am not sure whether the opinions of this attorney are the truth as to why I received some recommendations which were eventually fatal to my bid for a job at this particular firm. I hope, honestly, that the truth lies in some more innocuous place. Regardless, I am glad that I had the opportunity to apologize on behalf of the members of my faith to someone who feels that they have been belittled and looked down upon simply because they are a child of God who does not belong to the LDS Church. I am similarly glad to have had an opportunity to consider how my actions may communicate to others expectations which are neither reasonable nor doctrinal concerning the way in which they choose to live. In no way do I condone nor encourage doctrinal innovation, but I simply cannot understand why it is that we, as a people, should have a reputation for intolerance.

We simply must find more and better ways to reach out and include our neighbors, of whatever faith they may be, in our lives and in our circle of love. Some will, inevitably, not respond or even rebuff our efforts, but I am convinced that the doctrines of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and indeed, the teachings of the Master behoove us to act with more tolerance, kindness and gratitude toward those who do not, or perhaps do not yet share our faith. I want to encourage all of you, family and friends, to be examples to your friends and neighbors of Christlike love and simple, honest friendship so that we as a people may enjoy the reputation of love and inclusion which should be the hallmark of those who are sincere followers of Christ.

P.S. To some of you who read this, my declaration of tolerance will probably seem hypocritical. I apologize. I agree that I have much ground to make up and many apologies yet to complete. I have been rough on quite a few people who do not measure up the nebulous standards to which I hold them. You are right. I have been a hypocrite, and I apologize. My eyes are being opened to a better understanding of what it means to live the gospel and I hope that you will both forgive me and help me to live up to my ideals.